Thank you so much to Sonia Gandham who shared these words at the World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims service in Birmingham, in memory of her brother Arjun. Arjun was killed in a crash in March 2021

If Only

If only we knew your life would be so short. We would’ve laughed more, travelled more, hugged more. I always thought I’d spend decades being your big sister, but I didn’t even get 2. A life so precious cut so short. You left an everlasting imprint on us all.

If only you didn’t go out that day. The things we would give to change the events of that Friday night. You walked out the door and sat in the back of that car. Some say God chose you. Some say it was written before you were born. I say it was a senseless act that has left us torn.

If only you weren’t sat in that seat. Losing you was the hardest thing. The events that followed added to the heartache. How could you be the only one to not walk out alive? Why you? Knowing that sitting in another seat would’ve saved your life breaks my soul. Without you here, our sibling trio will never be whole.

If only you never met the driver. Who would’ve thought that this is how you’d go. Your friend of 3 years shows off to the world, and our world comes crumbling down in the process. Without an ounce of remorse for us, they have nothing to say. The people that turned their back on us, I hope they’ll learn one day.

If only we got one last goodbye. Traumatic and sudden loss has shaken us all to our core. No words could explain how much comfort we’d get from one final hug. A feeling we all know too well. To share another moment with you, our whole life we would sell.

My brother lived for a short 19 years and I stand here today after 19 long months without him. I try to live a life that will bring moments of happiness and do the things my brother didn’t get the chance to do. Being part of this club, that none of us wanted to be a part of, has helped me use my struggles to create my strength. I’d like to take this moment to give a huge thank you to RoadPeace for all the love and light they have provided me during my darkest days. Without them, I wouldn’t have this safe space to honour my brother with those who feel the truth of my words.

Arjun Gandham

Updated on: 30 November 2022