“I don’t know what to say”

That’s okay.

There’s nothing you can say.

And sometimes saying nothing

is better than saying something.

It’s better than

“they’re in a better place”.

Which is not said with malice.

But, their place was here.

Alive.

Saying nothing is better than

“heaven has gained an angel”.

I don’t care what heaven has gained.

None of us were ready.

The problem with such platitudes,

while rarely, if ever, said unkindly,

is that they come from a place of self-soothing.

You can say “forever young”

and get that little warm feeling

because you’ve said something.

Which has to be better than nothing.

Right?

So to you heaven may have gained an angel.

And I’m glad you can comfort yourself.

But don’t for a moment think that,

without knowing me,

saying that would ever be a comfort.

It’s okay to not know what to say.

Because there’s nothing to be said.

I don’t know what to say.

So how would you ever know?

So don’t say.

Just be.

This isn’t about you.

Nor is it, really,

about me.

This is about loss.

About pain.

About who we have lost

And the life they should have had.

Just sit. Listen.

It’s okay to not know what to say.

By Sam Pointon

Sam’s sister, Amy (20), was a motorcyclist and killed in a hit and run in November 2022.

Updated on: 3 August 2023