Rector Jeremy Allcock is a long-time friend of RoadPeace West Midlands and an honorary member of RoadPeace. Rector Allcock gave the below speech at the Service of Remembrance to mark World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims at St. Martin in the Bull Ring, Birmingham, on Sunday 17th November 2023. We felt the Rector’s words were so apt and understanding, that with his permission, we share them below.

Rector Jeremy Allcock

Today, I wanted to share something entitled, ‘Words’. Before I moved back to Birmingham, I had a favourite pub in London; it’s now all a bit gastro-pub and overpriced. It was originally owned and run by a local man. I loved it for its atmosphere and its range of real ales (I know you will still be reeling at the shock that I go to the pub)! My wife, however, loved it for an old smoke-stained sign above the bar that simply read, “Shut up, Jeremy!” Often when we sat in the pub, if I was getting particularly annoying, she would just look at the sign. It was nothing actually to do with me, but a former regular also called Jeremy, who sat at the bar night after night, every week, pontificating about the state of the world. When they pub-goers had, had enough they would say, “Shut up, Jeremy!” and when he died, with permission of the landlord, they erected this sign in his memory.

Each time we have gathered at this church for this special Act of Remembrance, Lucy and the organising group have asked me to say a few words. They say, “Jeremy, you always know what to say”, which is very kind. I will accept the compliment and by the grace of God, if I have been able to say anything of value, encouragement and comfort, that is great. But, the truth is very often, I do not know what to say. I feel very nervous, as I do now. I feel uncertain, I worry about being boring, or too long, or of no relevance whatsoever. I look at some of my colleagues who have to do public speaking, and I am sure they feel the same. It is not easy to know what to say. Perhaps, it would just be better if I sat down and didn’t speak.

While words are incredibly important, we know that it is not always easy to know what to say. We know that communication is fraught with difficulty, even with those we love the most. Perhaps, especially with those we love the most. This only seems to get more and more challenging as we have increasingly complicated methods of communication. I read something recently that told me apparently email was invented to mean we wouldn’t need to do so much communication – well, that went well, didn’t it?

Famously, in the Bible, in the Book of Ecclesiastics, the Philosopher writes this, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven”. (Ecclesiastics 3 v 1). For instance, he writes that there is a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to harvest, a time to cry, a time to laugh, a time to grieve, but also a time to dance. He also says there is a time to be quiet, and a time to speak.

Well wisdom comes in knowing when we should speak, and when we should just shut up and be quiet. It seems to me some people never learn to shut up and be quiet – they seem to love the sound of their own voice; they speak whether anyone wants to listen or not.

The Bible itself constantly warns of the danger of our words, our tongue, our lips. So, the Apostle, St. James, warns out of the same mouth that comes praise also comes cursing. He says a great forest fire can be set ablaze by a tiny spark. So, it is our tongues that are so small but so potentially destructive with a careless word. I found over thirty examples in the Bible warning us about the use of our mouths, these are just some – criticising others, undermining others, flattering others, damaging the reputation of others, yelling, nagging, gossiping, lying, speaking in the heat of anger. Maybe none of you suffer from that failing, but I know I certainly do. No wonder the Psalm says, “Be still, and know that I am God”. (Psalm 46 v 10).

Jeremy with members of the RoadPeace West Midlands Group

Words have power. People say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. I understand that when my grandmother taught me that she was trying to instil in me some sense of resilience but she was wrong, because actually, words do hurt. The Proverbs teach us, “The tongue can speak words that bring life or death. Those who love to talk must be ready to accept what it brings”. (Proverbs 18 v 21). Or, in another similar translation, “What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so, you must accept the consequences of your words”.

Of course, one important time to not shut up, and to speak words to preserve life, is to speak up and speak out against injustice. The late, great, Archbishop Desmond Tutu reminds us, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor”. So, one of the great things about the RoadPeace Family is its ability to speak up for the crushed. Its ability to speak out against the evils and injustices of those who drive their vehicles with reckless abandon and with little or no regard for the damage, devastation and tragic heartbreak their selfishness causes. Equally, RoadPeace is so good at importantly speaking out and addressing some of the shortcomings of the criminal justice system in prosecuting such people and the difficulties presented to grieving families in the process. In this instance, my friends, let us not shut up – but continue to speak out for what is true, right and just. For, words have power. Words have power for good and bad.

A word of encouragement, a word of affirmation, a word of knowledge, a word of wisdom. The text on a phone, the script of a movie, the prose of a book, the line of a poem, the lyric of a song. As we have experienced this afternoon, all these words, well-chosen words, at an appropriate moment, can change life and transform the world. For, words have the unique ability to communicate kindness, compassion, comfort, hope, joy, love.

But, what are the words in the face of overwhelming grief, loss and tragedy? At such times that is the wisdom, isn’t it? To know whether to be quiet or to speak. RoadPeace West Midlands does that so well. That is why you have received the fabulous recognition of Our Majesty, The King – in recognition of all that you do. What you enable people to do, is to speak. When they are struck dumb with grief you create an environment where actually people feel safe enough to share openly, honestly and vulnerably about their experiences. Why does that work? Because the rest of you know when to keep quiet and just to listen.

I think many of us have so much to learn from RoadPeace in so many ways. Maybe, we could take some advice from St. Paul who said, “Say the good things that people need – whatever will help them grow stronger. Then what you say will be a blessing to those who hear you”. (Ephesians 4 v 29).

In the meantime, please forgive me, if sometimes I do just shut up and say nothing. It certainly is not that I do not care. It is that I care enough to know it is best to be silent in the face of your grief, your tragedy, your stories. Because, sometimes silence is the only appropriate response.

Updated on: 15 February 2024