On the 9th of August, we came together at the RoadPeace Wood in the National Memorial Arboretum for a deeply moving Ceremony of Remembrance. As part of remembering together, we are sharing this speech from the ceremony so that its message may continue to be heard and felt. Here are Amanda Coopers words:

Good afternoon to you all, it is heartening to see so many people here.  Not the reason you are here but the fact that you have found RoadPeace and are, I hope, finding comfort and support while dealing with your personal tragedy.

I am here because my youngest daughter, Amy, was killed in a road crash in November 2022.  She was 20 years old and riding her motorbike when she was hit by a disqualified driver overtaking in poor visibility.  Amy was an independent, free-spirited and unconventional individual who loved her bike and the emotional freedom it gave her.  She drove us nuts at times with her barmy ideas but she was funny and kind and we adored her.  Losing her has left a massive hole in our lives.  RoadPeace are supporting my family and I through the pain of our loss and in a practical sense too as we deal with failures in the way Amy’s case has been handled by the justice system.

Today, I would like to reflect on some of the things I have learnt about grief since Amy’s death, in particular what I have come to think of as the validity of grief.  By that I mean the realisation that everybody’s grief is equally important, equally valid.

Since Amy’s death I have on occasion heard the comment ‘nobody understands a mother’s grief apart from another mother’.  That may be true but there is an implication there that perhaps nobody else’s grief matters as much?  That worries me because the devastation of such a sudden, untimely and violent loss is equally awful for all the people who loved the victim.  The dads, the siblings, other family members, the partners, the friends, the children, we are all hurting but in different ways and from different points of view, the toll on all of us is huge.

The siblings and the friends miss the progression through life together, whether it be supporting or squabbling with each other.   The dads may miss walking a daughter down the aisle at their wedding or having a pint with a son. Partners have lost their future dreams, maybe travel or homes or children, or bereaved children lose the support of parents.  For me one of the things that hurts the most is knowing that my young grandchildren miss their cool, slightly crazy Aunty Amy dreadfully and we won’t get to see the mischief they would have got up to together as they grow up.  The loss of their innocence over death at a very young age is heart-breaking.  To me the destruction of all these possible futures are equally significant.

I have also heard people say that as time moves on they don’t think other family members or friends care as much or want to talk about their loved one as much.  I wonder if perhaps they do want to talk but are scared to upset each other, and that well-meaning silence leads to more hurt and a bottling up of grief that helps no-one in the long term.  Perhaps being open and talking about the way you feel actually gives emotional permission to others to let their feelings out too.  For me being able to talk freely and share my grief with my other children and with good friends has been a massive help in navigating this exhausting path.  We are supporting each other along it and my hope is to encourage other people who are bottling up their grief to open up more. Talking and crying together has to be healthier than internalising grief.  Just chatting casually about our loved ones keeps them close to us, I think we are all grateful when other people mention them in every day conversations.  In our support meetings I have learnt about the ripple effect caused by a traumatic death and believe that the grief of every person caught up in those ripples is equally valid.

Another aspect of grieving for a road victim I have thought about is the manner of that death. Families like ours who have someone specific to blame for a crash can be very loud in our anger and I worry that those who don’t will feel drowned out.  For those crashes where there is no proven criminal act, or the cause is not known, where weather is involved or the victim simply made a mistake, whatever the circumstances their loss and the grief of their loved ones is every bit as important and their voices should be heard.

It all comes down to the same thing really, whatever the circumstances of our loved one’s death or our relationship to them, a massive part of coping is to talk and RoadPeace gives us that opportunity.  I participate in the East Midlands and Bereaved Parents support groups and find it really helpful to chat with people who understand how each other feels without having to explain it, and hope that by sharing our experiences and feelings we support each other.  My wish is that moving forward RoadPeace can reach more people bereaved or injured by road crashes and can encourage people to keep talking.

When I was asked if I would be interested in talking at this event, I said that talking is not a problem for me, the trick is to shut me up!

First of all I would just like to take this opportunity to thank the representatives from our emergency services. You all do an incredible and really tough job and for us personally did your absolute best to help Amy.  We will never forget that.

Lastly, thank you again to RoadPeace for your support and for this event that brings so many of us together in mutual care and understanding.

Thank you.

Updated on: 21 August 2025