In Support of RoadPeace Challenge Action Week
When someone you love is suddenly taken from you, the world as you knew it fractures in an instant. For Abi Martin, that moment came on May 18th, 2023, when her partner Steve was tragically killed in a road traffic collision.
In the rawness of grief, Abi turned to RoadPeace. What followed was a journey through trauma, connection, and ultimately, a new kind of strength. Below, Abi shares in her own powerful words how she found the will to move forward, and why support matters so deeply for those left behind.
“Just after 12 I was walking down the stairs from a conference, the phone rang, it was my manager. She asked where I was, so she asked me to turn back and walk up the stairs.
Just prior to the conference closing we were told that the M6 was shut, there had been a bad accident. I turned to a colleague and said ‘that won’t effect us.’
As I walked back up the stairs I was wondering what it could be, I met a colleague, and she told me that a police officer was waiting in a room. I walked in, sat down:
‘I am sorry to say but Stephen was killed this morning on the M6.’
I did not believe the police officer, so he passed me over Steve’s keys which had the purple jellyfish key ring attached. The motion of passing the key ring over will forever be etched in memory. For me, more than anything, this small insignificant transition allowed the words to become reality and my present and my future to be destroyed.
Steve, my wonderful, funny, clever partner had died.
For me, the next few days, weeks and months, I became detached. I knew that it was my truth, but it also felt like I was looking in. I’m a private person but suddenly I was thrust into a world I did not recognise – police, press, police, family, police, coroners, police, funeral directors, police, friends, police, gp, police. My life did not feel like mine and for someone who likes to be in control ….. there was no control, there were no answers, not for a long time.
I despaired about this new world I was navigating whilst I journeyed the path of grief, supporting my children and family.
And don’t get me wrong, all professionals were wonderful, but I did not want them to be part of my life …. I relished, I wanted, I needed my old life. My life with Steve.
But that was never going to happen, and that is the stark and brutal truth.
I needed to find a way to not only know my truth, but accept it. For me, I knew that acceptance meant that I could find the strength to move forward. I needed help to do this though, I needed the opportunity to talk about Steve and his death so that I could process what had happened. I reached out to Road Peace.
That first phone call became the start of my journey towards acceptance and I had so much love and support showered upon me. Whilst being with Road Peace they helped me realise that it was not only acceptance that I needed but also the tools, resilience and will to move forward in my future and to create a life full of love and laughter again.
So I went on the Resilience Building Programme.
The first introduction over teams allowed me to join a world of similar people who were at a similar point to me in their grief and loss. We were also guided by amazing counsellors.
As a group, we talked, we shared, we cried and we celebrated our wonderful people. We were taught practical skills and strategies to cope when the grief and trauma crept in. We were not alone and our feelings and physical responses were validated. I knew that my anxiety around shopping and involuntary tics were okay. A defining point for me, was when we shared photos of our people at the end of the programme. Goodness we cried for ourselves, for each another. However, like the key ring that signified loosing Steve, seeing Steve’s smiling face at the end of the programme was the visual prompt I needed to gift myself a chance, a future. I knew that this is what he would want for me.
Fast forward to a year later …… I am doing well.
Will I be the same person as I was on the morning of the 17th May – no
Will I be the same person as I was when I was Steve’s girl – no
But am I broken – no
The loss of Steve will always be with me, but it does not define me.
I have a happy and full life and rather mourning the future that I lost, I welcome the future that I am now creating. For me, I am walking a new path and I know with his very loud laughter and the punching of the arms, Steve will be cheering me on saying ‘that’s my girl’.”
-Abi Martin
If you’ve been affected by a road crash and need support, RoadPeace is here for you. Call the RoadPeace Helpline on 0800 160 1069 or visit https://www.roadpeace.org/get-support/resilience-building-programme/ to learn more about our support services and the Resilience Building Programme.
Updated on: 15 May 2025