RoadPeace Remembrance

Losing a loved one in a road traffic crash is an unimaginable tragedy. Susan Tustin, a mother who tragically lost her son Jobie in March 2023, shares her journey of grief and remembrance. Through her words, Susan reflects on the importance of keeping Jobie’s memory alive and the ways she and his friends have come together to honour his life. Here is her story:

Jobie Haynes, died in March 2023 aged 26.

Jobie was a passenger in his own car. The driver, an acquaintance, was allegedly hoping to buy Jobie’s car. The car was a high-powered model and has been seen to travel at speed, lose control, and strike a tree, killing Jobie at the scene. The person responsible is currently in prison, guilty of causing death by dangerous driving.

Why is remembrance important?

It’s so nice to see how many people get together to remember Jobie. On the 1st anniversary, we had 60 to 80 people stand in the rain, and we lit up the Abbey in Pershore at 9:00 PM in remembrance. I was amazed to see how many people came. On Jobie’s birthday, we had an open house, and lots of his friends came. In March, 60 to 70 friends came for the anniversary. It’s really important to his friends as well as to me.

When people come around for anniversaries or birthdays, we tell stories of Jobie. It’s important to keep the memory alive. I really appreciate the time that others take to come, and I do wonder whether, as time goes on, people’s lives will move on, and the numbers will dwindle. I get a lot out of these days, though. I don’t want to be on my own on these dates.

Jobie’s Tree

Jobie was a passenger in his own car. He died when the driver drove dangerously and hit a tree. We first went to the tree a few days after the crash, and I didn’t feel I needed to go again. The first Christmas came, though, and I decided that I wanted to visit. About 20 to 25 people put hearts, butterflies, plaques, and messages there. I went back the following Christmas. I don’t think I’ll ever go in between, but it does give me comfort to visit. We decorate the tree with battery lights. I like looking at what other people have left and reading the messages. It’s another way of knowing that he’s being remembered by others.

Jobie’s Headstone

The company that carved this stone took almost a year to get it done. In the end, it was a very unusual piece, and we only had it installed a few weeks ago. I took rum and Prosecco to toast Jobie, and about 70 people came.

Father Christmas

Jobie’s cousin dresses up as Father Christmas, and he’s done that two years in a row in memory of Jobie. He used to do it to raise money for another charity. What happens now is that all the children come round my house, and I buy them gifts, and Jobie’s cousin dresses up. It’s one of my favourite days of the year. We say, ‘Do you know who sent Father Christmas?’ and all the children know it’s Jobie.

Jobie’s Bench

There was a fundraiser after Jobie’s death, and one of the things we bought was a bench by the river in Pershore. There’s a QR code on the bench, and people can leave messages. Some people leave messages and they don’t even know Jobie. I really like looking at what is being said on the memories that people have.

Jobie was only 26 when he was killed, but his friends still find remembrance very important, and I feel that I’m giving them a focal point for remembering. I still have lots of Jobie’s possessions. I couldn’t bear to ever give them to charity, but I quite like telling his friends to go and look under his bed and find something. If they want it, they can take it. Recently, I’ve got some of Jobie’s baby clothes and had them made into teddy bears for two of his friends who are just about to have babies.

Another thing I do is that I have a box of Jobie’s photos. I like to get them out when his friends come round and I always say to them, “Take one if you want.”

Jobie’s friends are planning a music festival this summer. Some of the boys are also having rings made out of his hair. They send me photos every now and again of Jobie’s corner, where they have a picture of him or some other items to remember him.

RoadPeace Remembrance

I’ve been to two remembrance events in Birmingham for the World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims. I think I will always go. It’s really tough seeing his picture on the screen, but these people shouldn’t be forgotten. The remembrance service is a lovely way to remember them all, and it gives me comfort that I am surrounded by people who have all lost a loved one in a similar circumstance.

Some people will only remember their loved one at these services. They don’t have pictures up or talk about their loved one, but that’s not how I move through my grief. Even in court, when I read my victim personal statement, I used it as a way to keep Jobie’s memory alive. For me, remembrance is a way to deal with my grief.

-Susan Tristan

If you’ve been affected by a road traffic collision and need support, RoadPeace is here for you. Call the RoadPeace Helpline on 0800 160 1069 or visit https://www.roadpeace.org/remembering-lives-lost/ for more information.